Monday, March 30, 2009

Funny because it's true

MFC and I are walking down Oxford Street in Leederville with his mother and her partner.

an9ie: And down that street is the little sushi restaurant where [MFC] and I went on our first date.

an9ie: We might even go back there one day and re-live it.

MFC's mummy: Aw, how cute!

an9ie: Except this time he'll actually be nice to me. Ahahahahaaa!

MFC: Hey!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Stupid brain! Why can't you send me nice dreams about unicorns instead?

This morning I turned off my alarm and snoozed for about 45 minutes. During that snooze I had a horribly vivid dream.

I was driving through a suburb in the hills, past a block of flats, and just for a moment, I looked over at the passenger seat and tried to pull a yellow plastic bag towards me. The bag was caught under something and diverted my attention from the road.

Then I felt my wheels go over something rigid, like a light pole or a long bit of pipe. Bump-bump.

I stopped the car and parked to the side. When I turned my head I saw a figure splayed out on the road.

I had run over a small Chinese schoolboy.

I raced towards him at the same time as his aunt and mother. They were wailing and sobbing, and my lungs clenched as I looked down at his crushed leg, flattened and bruised against the bitumen like an uncooked chicken wing*.

What had I done? I had destroyed his life and mine. My future flashed before my eyes and then immediately blanked out. There would be no bright future for me or him.

His mother looked up and me and started shouting. More and more people gathered, either staring at me, or the boy, who was taking shallow breaths, eyes closed.

This horrific tableau seemed to go on forever, and then, I don't know, maybe a siren went off in the background, or a crow cawed, or the sun hit my eyes in just the right spot, and I woke up.

The message is clear: avoid the Perth hills like the plague.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Rodent must-read

Another brilliantly funny post from the inimitable Blandwagon. Bonus capybaras at the end. I especially like the bit that goes:

INTERVIEWER: Porcupines?

AL-MUNAJID: Pointy whores!


Honestly, dude, your true talents are wasted in your day-job. You should have your own newspaper column!

Sunday, March 08, 2009

The best of starts

... leads to a productive day.

(Also, hi Sophie, who left a comment in the last post saying that this was the first sunrise she had seen in a while too :)

Remember how last September I was groaning about our busted reticulation and how I had to spend fruitless hours out on the lawn hand-watering it? (Which, although better than nothing, still tends to encourage shallow roots, according to Don Burke. By the way, I was so sad when they took Burke's Backyard off the air. I know it lives on in print and on the Web, but it's just not the same. Sigh.)

After months of hand-watering, and now that summer is over (great timing, huh? The hot days are still coming, though), our sprinkler system is finally fixed. I would pass on the name and number of our reticulation guy, but he's probably too busy sunning himself on his yacht in New Caledonia to pick up more work. I reckon that on a per hour basis, the man is getting paid more than most neurosurgeons.

He didn't replace any sprinkler heads though, so this morning my brother and I went to Bunnings for supplies, then came home and fixed all the heads that were blocked or just going crazy spurting (teehee--that word always makes me giggle like a schoolgirl) water everywhere, and now the lawn can diminish the earth's water supply, twice a week till the rains come, with minimal human intervention.

This means an9ies will no longer have to spend excess time on the lawn with a digital timer, a garden hose, and an expression of suffering. (When cars drove past, she would also pretend that she was not related to the hand holding the hose.)

So much work done, and it is not even noon. Hurrah!

I think I will reward myself by ordering some telescopic loppers (ratchet! Woo!) off the Internet. And some ratchet secateurs, and maybe even a ratchet screwdriver set. Trust me ladies, once you go the ratchet, you never go back. They are so easy on the hands.

Also, bougainvillea; as soon as I get my ratchet on, you're next.

Speaking of sleeping arrangements

I always find I sleep better in my own bed, as opposed to when I stay at MFC's. His bed feels like it has been filled with hard gym socks and wood chips. I toss and turn, unable to fund a comfortable spot, and wake up all irritated in the morning.

He loves his bed though. I don't know what we're going to do when we move in together.

MFC is also a rather fitful sleeper. When he comes to bed, he likes to launch himself onto his mattress, like someone throwing a saucepan at a stray cat in a Looney Tunes cartoon. He will then continue his aerial manoeuvres throughout the night, flinging himself into the air before flipping over and landing as softly as a zeppelin on a mine field.

One of the best sleeps I've had, while in the same bed as MFC, was in Germany, where we had those European-style beds. You know, the ones that have two single mattresses in a queen or king-size bed frame. Awesome. MFC could toss and turn as much as he liked and it didn't affect me. And it was fun having a visible line to point to when I said, "Stay on your side of the bed!" if he was being particularly irksome.

You can get these in IKEA, but MFC will not consider them. He says he doesn't like the hole in the middle and we'll be like those couples that don't love each other. Bleah. It's always the person who sleeps better that says that.

Seafoam sky

This morning I got up in time to catch an amazing sunrise.

This is a pretty big deal for me as I haven't seen a sunrise for months. I've been going to bed exhausted, falling asleep after an hour of tossing and turning, and then waking up the next day feeling like zombies had a party in my mouth.

But last night, last night I defeated all the odds, even though I got up to go to the bathroom, and frightened myself by looking between the hair over my eyes and thinking of that crazy little girl from the Ring, and then sleeping with the night light on (I say "night light", but it's a lot brighter than that, like the one Chief Wiggum sets up in Ralph's room in the Simpsons). Despite all these challenges, I got a good night's sleep last night!

I feel refreshed! My eyes are working and do not resemble limp cocktail onions floating in bony eye sockets. Amazing--I didn't realise it was possible to feel this way.

Then I looked out the window and saw this amazing sunrise, and I couldn't stay in bed any longer.

Beautiful. It looks so thick and substantial, like the world's been turned upside down and we're looking up at the sea/sand.

A few moments later, the monster bougainvillea in the corner of the garden hove into view as I looked around. Argh! I hate bougainvillea! They should only be grown in pots. Once you put them into the ground they ... are ... UNKILLABLE.

It's hedge-trimmer time!

Monday, March 02, 2009

Dollhouse: first impressions

I'll put this in point form to demonstrate how my thoughts kept bouncing around while I was watching.

Also, you have to imagine me going, "SQUEEE!" at the end of each line.

  • Eliza Dushku is sexy dancing like when she went out clubbing with Buffy in that episode I'm too lazy to look up!
  • It's that assassin guy from Serenity!
  • Ooh! A sleazy nerd! Yay! (You gotta have at least one.)
  • Tahmoh Penikett!
  • A mention of Edward James Olmos!
Me = happy.