Sunday, February 22, 2009

How to attract my scorn and derision

Last week my sister walked past the All Foreign Languages bookshop in the city, and saw this in the window.

(For those of you who can't be bothered clicking on the link, the book's title was, "How To Attract Asian Women". Just typing it out now elicits the same reaction that I had when my sister told me the title: BWAHAHAHAHAAA!)

(Psst. In case you're new to this blog, my sister and I are both Asian ... and women, the last time we checked.)

Anyway, she did a double-take and was going to keep walking, but then thought, I REALLY have to see what "wisdom" and "secrets" this book imparts. So she went in, found it on the shelves and did a speed-read, which was punctuated with many guffaws and loud, "You have got to be SH*TTING ME"-type comments.

As expected, it is a rather pathetic mish-mash of tacky stereotypes and ridiculous urban legend assumptions.

Apparently the book has tips in it like (and I am paraphrasing here), "Asian women like men with short hair who are clean-cut."

Obviously the author has never met MFC, who not only has long hair, but (this morning, for example, nursing a hangover from a party we went to last night) is about as clean-cut as a wet hobo.

In addition, it makes sweeping comments about how Asian women are "submissive", and instructs men on how to act and dress to attract them. As if we were all the same model of Xbox. Once you enter the right cheat-code, TA-DAH! any one of us will be yours!

For a text that purports to teach you seduction techniques for women from a continent of more than 50 countries, in an area bounded by three oceans, populated by people with differing cultures and religions, it is a surprisingly slim volume.

To all the people who bought, "How To Attract Asian Women", I have wonderful news.

My debut novel, "Magic Beans: Send Me $200 And I Will Show You That Money Really Does Grow on Trees! (P.S. Money Not Guaranteed To Grow On Trees.)" will be coming out soon. I hope you all buy a copy.


Sophie said...

And what's the bet that if they got an asian girlfriend they'd be disappointed when she turned out to have her own personality and desires etc rather than fitting the stereotype.

A friend of mine had this guy chase after her despite her being engaged and clearly not interested, it turned out he went after every chinese Singaporean girl he met. It was pretty creepy. And then he rang her up and her ex-singaporean-army dad answered and he never bothered her again :D

Anonymous said...

I think the author is a genious. Rather than assuming that all Asian women are the same, what she actually assumed was that there are enough gullible men with 'yellow fever' to make her book a success even though it's rubbish. Very clever indeed. Jaymez

Anonymous said...

Lolol amazing! I want to read a story of someone who was actually lame enough to buy it (otakus maybe?).

Lol poor MFC XD

Sophie said...

Also! Someone on my flist menioned this carnival and I thought of nominating your post, but then thought it best to leave the decision up to you: