Monday, December 15, 2008

Jade Diary Gig at the Creatures Loft in Fremantle

Date: Friday, 12th December 2008

The main event:
The Jade Diary

Creatures Loft in Fremantle, not to be confused with the upstairs area of the Little Creatures Brewery next door (which is where I thought it was, duh, although they are both owned by the same mob). There is a very nice non-smoking outdoor area where you can have a low-volume chat and watch the harbour while you wait for the gig to start. I hate loud pubs where you have to shout to make yourself heard. I have no idea why these places are so popular. What's the point of going somewhere to socialise if you can't hear yourself think?

Dinner before the gig: Char Char Bull, Fremantle. I highly recommend pretty much anything on the menu -- they do great steak (don't go above medium, people!), fish, korma, pizza, and pork rib eye. Make sure you order a side of their delicious chips and try the Jaffa Profiteroles (very generous servings!) for dessert. They're filled with Cointreau ice-cream and covered with dark chocolate sauce. Citrus + chocolate + ice-cream is always a sure winner with me.

Attendees: K, Jaymez, Judith, and Blandwagon. Oh, and me.

The best bits: Cheryl Lim's smooth, silky voice singing ballads or rocking out their new songs. She was a little shaky and nervous on the first song, but soon gained confidence and strength. Her body language seemed a little shy, though. Bigger gestures next time, Cheryl! Channel that inner rock goddess! (But no spirit fingers, 'kay?)

The addition of Jarvis, their new bass player (who is a mate of Blandwagon's and therefore, by extension, a mate of ours so that we can bask in his reflected glory).

The worst bits: Nothing at all to do with the band--they were great. But on the fringes of the stage, there was an idiot hippie who insisted on boring and annoying everyone with his idiot hippie dancing. Right in front of the stage. For the entire set.

Warning (but you all know me by now): long rant follows.

This guy epitomises what I hate about free love and expressing yourself in public. I can understand the lure of all that touch-feelyness and free spiritedness, but when your self-expression blocks my view and distracts from the band that I have specially come to see, then my foot itches to get touchy-feely with your arse.

You know how crazy stoned people dance? (Not that I am making any insinuations. Well, alright, I am.)

They tend to have two main dance styles, number one is their personal impression of a snake-plant-mutant bursting out of the ground and sinously coiling upwards towards the sun (although their interpretation is an insult to snake-plant-mutants everywhere). Sometimes they do that thing where they join their hands together and swim them upwards as they wind their hips in slow circles.

Urgh, I'm dry-retching just trying to remember it.

Dance number two is where they have their arms out at right angles, like the ancient Egyptians, and prance around like gorillas in heat (this interpretation is an insult to gorillas in heat, who are much more graceful and of sounder mind).

We also got a taste of the rarely seen dance number three, where he would suddenly squat and smack his palms on the floor. I was hoping he might accidentally hit himself in the face with the recoil, but karma was not on my side that evening (Lady Karma probably didn't appreciate all the hate I was exuding).

Here are some photos from the night.

Awesome gig begins.

Oh crap. Damn hippie gets up and starts dancing.

Useless management asks him nicely to stop, and then run away when he refuses.
They also appear to keep serving him beer, or allowing his friends to buy him beer.

We continue to helplessly watch his crap monkey dancing.

Aye carumba! I don't know what medications he is on, but he doesn't flag, despite my constant ill-wishing and eye-narrowing.

If you see this man, please ask to him to never reproduce.

I'm not a fan of violence, but I was bitterly disappointed when no one smacked him upside the head, although several hints were made.

Still, great gig, guys. Loved the new songs.
I hope a full-length album comes out soon!
A tip for next time: please do not encourage the crazy dancing man.

Update (16/12/2008):
Oh yes, as Jaymez reminded me in the comments, in addition to (and quite possibly as a result of) his crap dancing, the guy's elasticised pants kept slipping down until we got a full two inches of bum crack. We prayed and prayed that they would slip no further, because it didn't look like he was wearing any underwear. Eurgh. Thanks so much for reminding me, J.


Anonymous said...

I laughed all through your recollections, but maybe you had to be there - which I was. I didn't notice you getting all those pics of the crazy man - you are sneaky! I'm surprised you didn't mention the ample view of his skinny arse because his pants wouldn't stay up on account of he spends all his money on drugs and therefore has none to spend on food so his pants don't fit! I concur with all your positive review points. Jaymez

Jarvis Cochrane said...

Great pictures, Angie*!

Thanks for the glowing review - and for mentioning the bass player, usually the most unappreciated member of any band! :-)


* Except for Crazy Dancing Hippie Man.