Thursday, September 04, 2008

A quiet evening, and I enjoy playing God

I got home this evening and was greeted by silence. No TV, no kitcheny noises, even Norm was having a little snooze in his mug and not tapping on the glass going, "Oi! Woman! Where's my dinner?" like he usually does at this time of day.

"Where's Mum and Dad?" I asked my brother.

"They've gone to visit M. Mum made some fried rice but she took it all with her," he said glumly.

Then his face brightened. "But I got some KFC!"

"Awesome!"

I had KFC and sweet corn soup for dinner. That fulfills, um, one food group. Any nutrients were negated by the saturated fats and secret spices seeping into my arteries.

And then I had some cake.

After that I had some pâté on Turkish bread. Normandie's Chicken with Cognac. We had some at a work function and I am now addicted.

We have food addiction issues with my family where we will become obsessed with one item and then eat it until we become sick of it. This fit usually lasts about a week, but can go on for up to month.

My sister ate frozen raspberry yoghurt twice a day for two weeks. I think she went through three or four tubs.

My mother made mango pudding every second night for a month.

Then there was the time my mother and I baked a poppy seed butter cake (OK, maybe two) every night for a week, devouring it as soon as it came out of the oven, crisp and smelling like sunshine. Sunshine drenched with butter and sprinkled with crunchy opiates. We became more and more adventurous with the number of poppy seeds we added until the cake was more grey than yellow. This looked like it would go on indefinitely, until we discovered that poppy seeds make you extremely, painfully, uncomfortably constipated.

Never again, you delicious, evil seeds.

My brother also bought Spore, the game, today, so we've been having fun playing with that.

You start off with a little single-celled organism, and evolve it into whatever you like, herbivore, carnivore, octopus-thingy, lizard-thingy, Joan Rivers. You collect DNA points by feeding on meal units, and then "spend" them on evolutionary attachments like mandibles, new eyes, legs, spikes and so forth.

I remember Spore being in the news not long ago, because they released the creature-builder program early, and people were using it to build things that looked like human rude bits.

I don't know why they were surprised, honestly. You could put a paper doll kit of Mother Theresa on the Internet, and there will always be some poindexter who would reconfigure it into something that would make Paris Hilton blush.

In fact, that reminds me of a trick someone showed me once, where you fold one of our (Australian) banknotes a certain way, and the side with the Queen's face becomes heterosexual intercourse. I did not find this amusing, because I like the Queen.

Mind you, some of the attachments Spore has on offer do look quite X-rated.

"What the hell are those?" I asked my brother, pointing to a lineup that looked like lady-parts, a scrotum with a chunk taken out of it, and tentacles.

"Oh, they're a [sorry, I can't remember, but you'll know it when you see it], a mouth, and some tentacles."

"Huh."

I think the 3D modellers had waaay too much fun developing this game.

I had a go, and played for a little while, not seriously, just dipping my toes in the water. My planet was called "Angieland", and my first little species were called "Boogees". You would have known if I had been playing seriously, by the way, because those little Boogees would have been taking Suzuki violin, ballet, and Kumon Maths before you could say "pie".

My aim was to make a My Little Pony with a sting in its tail, but Boogee One got eaten before I could buy it some legs.

Evolution is hard. I can't imagine being the first fish that crawled onto land. It's just as well someone else got to do it. I'd still be in the water going, "Seriously, Jerry, legs are hard, man. Let's just float here for a bit longer," and Jerry, that lazy S.O.B., would agree, and we'd still be living under the sea and eating plankton.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I must be strangely related to your family then, as food addictions/cravings are my forte!! Moo is actually looking forward to when I am pregnant as we figure with the number of addictions/cravings I have it must work in reverse for me, and I will have 9 months craving-free!
Kathry

Genevieve said...

Sunshine drenched with butter and sprinkled with crunchy opiates.
haha that made me LOL rather loudly ;)

man i'd be too lazy to grow legs, too. i'd be down there with you and jerry eating plankton.

that game seems cool. i've never heard of it before now...