Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I'm going to hell

Last Sunday those people came around again. Let's call them the Ms.

Years ago, before my parents lived in this house and I was looking after it for them, I usually managed to keep the dreaded Ms at bay with the following method:

1) Opening the wooden front door, but not the security screen door, so I had a protective mesh barrier between us and wouldn't feel compelled to invite them in.

2) Halfway through their opening spiel (and why the heck do they always have to be so polite that you feel like a jackass when you turn them away?) saying, and this is the important part, "Sorry, I'm Catholic*, have a good day!" as I close the door.

I have tried reasoning with them before, saying, "No thank you, I'm Anglican," but apparently this didn't count. Even saying, "I'm a Christian AND my father is a retired priest AND I go to church every Sunday!" would still have them going, "But come to ours, it's much better!" Gah.

And no, I can't slam the door in their faces or call them rude names because I'm not that kind of person. Sorry.

Anyway, after a few months of this treatment they dropped their visits to about twice a year. Then I moved out, and my parents moved back in, and now the Ms are over every Saturday like clockwork.

Mainly because my father invited them in the first time they called. Sheesh. Thanks, Dad.

Last Saturday I happened to be home when they knocked on the door. G (my brother) and I then had a hurried, whispered dispute about who was going to answer the door. In the end it was me - it usually is, because we both know I can get rid of them faster. G just doesn't have that killer instinct.

I don't usually lie, but when the Ms visit I could be Elizabeth Taylor in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.

M1 and M2: Hello, I'm Elder M1 and this is Brother M2. Is P in?
an9ie: Um, hold on. (Cursory glance into living room.) Nope, looks like he's gone out. Can I take a message?
M1: Are you his daughter?
an9ie: Yes. Can I take a message? I'm sorry, but I'm in the middle of a phone call. I'll tell him you stopped by.
M2: Oh, OK, then.
an9ie: Byeeee! (Shuts door.)
an9ie: G! I've lied to the Ms and now I'm going to hell!

In a week's time we are having some family friends from New Zealand to visit. They're Jehovah's Witnesses, and if the Ms come again, it's GAME ON.

* Why? Because I read somewhere that they usually avoid Catholics because they're very hard to convert. Also, I'm not exactly telling a full-blown fib, since Anglicans are Catholic - we're just not Roman Catholic.


tfp said...

I must admit I am not very polite. I just say "Not interested" and shut the door. I have had run-ins in the past with Mormon guys on bicycles who insisted on following me as I walked in a hurry to catch a bus or train to get to work. "You seem stressed, why is that?" they asked. "You seem in a hurry," they remarked. They kept talking to me even though I tried to politely tell them I was indeed stressed and in a hurry and didn't wish to talk with them. So now, bitter and jaded, I shut the door on them when they come to my house.

an9ie said...

Wow - I can't believe they followed you on their bicycles! It's a pity you couldn't go all crazy on them and yell, "I'm cranky because there's a @*$ing weirdo following me on a bicycle and I'm late for work!"

Anonymous said...

haha i used to live in salt like city and i remember getting into fights with mormons allll the time.
well, not really FIGHTS but more like "religious arguments."

mormons are insane. it really came as a great relief to me when my neighbourhood decided to NOT allow them (along with the jehovia's witnesses, etc) in. yay! :D