Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Crocodile Dreams, or, "I'm Glad I'm Not a Shaman"


Twice now, I've had scary dreams about crocodiles.

I still maintain that there is nothing more boring than listening to an account of someone else's dream, but MFC found these quite amusing, so you might too.

The first dream is terrifying.

For some strange reason, I let my brother organise our next holiday, and the two of us end up in a spooky wooden hut in the jungle. A hut which is not only dilapidated, but PARTLY SUBMERGED UNDERWATER.

The only place to sit in this hut is a filthy, brass, single bed. We wade in, and hoist ourselves up onto it. There is just enough room for us to sit at opposite ends, and I glare at my brother while he looks embarrassed.

I snark, "This is the LAST time I'm letting you make the holiday arrangements, Glen. Oh, you just WAIT till we get home."

Then there's a ripple in the water, and we realise we're not alone. In fact, the water is full. Of. Huge. Crocodiles. I then notice that there are sandbanks in the corners of the hut, and crocodile mamas are nursing large clutches of eggs and giving us evil looks.

So, we are not only surrounded by large, vicious man-eaters, but large, twitchy, HORMONAL, vicious man-eaters. Eeep.

I hatch a cunning plan to distract the crocs.

It involves me throwing a stick into the far end of the hut and screaming.

All the crocs make a beeline for the stick, and Glen and I, hearts in our mouths, half-swim, half-stagger to the door.

We make it safely to the entrance just as the crocodiles notice we're escaping. Unbelievable!

Just as we're about to exit, the door flies open and this mad scientist-looking guy bursts in.

"I HOPE YOU HAVEN'T TOUCHED ANYTHING!" he shouts at us.

"Um, no," we mumble, and then peel out.

Then I'm watching the next sequence like it's an epilogue from a movie. It turns out that he really is a mad scientist, and he's performing a surgical procedure on one of the crocodiles. A Caesarean section.

He extracts ... a crocodile-human hybrid. It looks like a little boy covered in scales.

"This looks like trouble," I think to myself from my omniscient and calm position*.

But then he accidentally drops it into the water and it drowns. Peacefully. Like it was sleeping and never woke up.

I heave a sigh of relief and the dream ends.

OK, now for Dream Number 2, which happened a few days later and may or may not be linked to the consumption of half a packet of Girl Guide cookies.

I wake up in my bed, which is next to some sliding glass doors, and I notice a small crocodile about a yard long slinking about the room. Despite its small size I am (naturally) freaked out.

Then I notice that this little guy seems to be showing signs of intelligence. He's muttering to himself and piling small black bags of loot, my loot, next to the door. I just lie flat on my stomach and pray he doesn't notice me.

Then he exits with the bags in his teeth, and pauses when he sees MFC's brand new computer sitting on the brick paving.

As an aside, MFC does have a new computer. It is his pride and joy and he has spent many nights doing geek stuff to it and making me watch while he runs memory tests. Sigh. What it is doing outside my house, in my dream, I don't know.

The crocodile starts to pull out one of MFC's new hard drives with its teeth. I can see the drive coming out halfway, colourful IDE cables dangling. I almost get out of bed but my brain goes, "ARE YOU INSANE, WOMAN? IT'S JUST A ^$@*-ING COMPUTER!" So I hide until the crocodile goes away.

The rest of the dream passes by in a blur, but in a nutshell, I contract out some vampires to get rid of the crocodile and his family (one wife, two kids). They ask for some blood in return and extract it using a machine that pokes a metal straw into my neck.

The end.

If I were the shaman of some Stone Age tribe and I told them about these dreams, we'd be freaking out right now and sacrificing a caboodle of virgins.

STAT.

* I also recall wondering how the crocodile got inseminated with human DNA in the first place, but then deciding not to pursue that train of thought further. Because it could be quite icky.

7 comments:

ジェネヴィーヴ said...

sorry i deleted out my other comment bc i accidently copied and pasted the whole page. i'm so dumb sometimes haha.

basically, dreammoods.com says this:

Crocodile

To see a crocodile in your dream, forewarns of hidden danger. Someone near you is giving you bad advice and is trying to sway you into poor decisions. The crocodile may be an aspect of yourself and your aggressive and "snappy" attitude. Or maybe it reveals that you have displayed some false emotions and shedding "crocodile tears".

To dream that you are chased or bitten by a crocodile, denotes disappointments in love and in business.


I love that your dreams were just as bizarre and convoluted as mine are. Mine are seriously like LOTR epics sometimes. It's so weird.

an9ie said...

Ooh, dreammoods.com eh? I've been looking for a good dream interpretation website. Usually they tend to flood you with pop-ups or have two lines of vague interpretation.

Having said that, I don't tend to take my dreams too seriously as a) more often than not they're the product of TV, computer games, or excess sugar, and b) I'd be a nervous wreck if I did :p

Thanks for the interpretation, I'm pretty sure I've been guilty of all three of those things in the past 24 hours. Luckily I wasn't chased by any, and the vampires should have cleaned up the second crocodile infestation ;)

The worst part is when you wake up and go, "AAARGH! I can't remember my dream! I could've sold it to Warner Brothers!" or worse, you write it down and find out it's total, utter crap :)

Libragirl said...

That is a bizarre dream. I like hearing strange and odd dreams.

an9ie said...

Oh libragirl, there is a lot more where that came from, believe me!

juliness said...

Ok, now that I am sufficiently freaked out, I can begin my day.

Good grief woman, that is some random stuff. Of course last night's dream involved me being chased by a serial killer, so I probably shouldn't say too much.

PS Are Girl Guide cookies like our Girl Scout cookies? If so, yum!

an9ie said...

Juliness - YOU were freaked out! I've had the serial killer dream too, except I can't see his face and he's chasing me through an old theatre draped in red velvet. See? With brain chemistry like mine I don't need drugs OR alcohol.

I think so, although our Australian Girl Guide cookies are made in New Zealand, and there are only two varieties are the moment. Plain butter or butter with a chocolate coating on one side. Our cookie makers have not yet reached the wild creativity of the Scouts. Sigh.

Anonymous said...

hahaha, that's just about as crazy as some of my dreams. I love how the crocodile starts stealing computer bits, that was the icing on the cake.

If I could draw, I would, right now, draw an9ie hiding in her bed watching a little crocodile carefully pulling a hard drive out of a computer. It would keep me entertained for weeks ;)

<3 RaZeR