Wednesday, April 25, 2007

We're all dooOOOoomed!

I just remembered something I witnessed the last time I went to the zoo.

And no, it wasn't the time I saw a monkey pull at a hair coming out of its butt, yank out some poo (which, I'm sure, made a little "plop!" noise), and then sniff it.

Apparently we're getting two male lions at the Perth Zoo. Thank goodness, I say, because the last time I was looking into the lion enclosure, something happened that made my blood run cold.

You know how zoos now are trying to be all earth-friendly and mimic the animal's natural habitat as much as possible?

The only catch with those is that it makes it quite hard to actually see the animals. I had an annual pass to the zoo one year and in my nine or so visits never once saw a single hyena. Little camouflaged bastards.

The lion viewing area, however, is quite clever. It has a sheet of thick glass against the sunniest part of the enclosure, so all the lions come and snooze by the glass, giving you ultimate close-ups of lion nipple and lion inner ear as they loll around sun-baking.

So there I was, looking at these big cats and going, "Awww, you so cute! Yes you are! And you! And you! And you! I just want to take you home and cuddle you!"

In my mind, of course.

Then this family comes in. A Mum, a Dad, and a little boy, maybe about 6 or 7 years old.

Little boy: "Dad, which are the boy lions?"
Dad: ''I don't know, ask your Mum."
Mum: "I don't know, [little boy's name]. Maybe we can ask a keeper."

Meanwhile, I was standing nearby SCREAMING INTERNALLY, and going, "OH! MY! GOD! Male lions have manes, and females don't! All the lions in front of us! Are therefore! Females! How the heck you two managed to figure out what hole to put what pointy thing in, and actually end up conceiving a child, completely astounds me!"

Mankind is doomed. We might as well lie down and let the robots take over NOW.


Juliness said...

You kill me. You really do. That was hilarious!

I think I have to go back and read it again.

girl and dog said...

Oh GAWD, the idiocy of some people just baffles me...

an9ie said...

Oh juliness and girl, I mourn for the brain cells that Earth's population seems to be losing at an exponential rate.

RIP brain cells...

Anonymous said...

Hahahaha, I've heard of similiar stupid things happening. People are getting stupider and stupider as time goes on.
Maybe it is time for a global disaster. Hopefully just the people like you described will be whiped out.

In other news, I was at this "Wild Animal Park" in San Diego a few years ago and I swear I have this connection with felines. It borders on creepy. There was a (male!) lion lying nearby and I called out to him and he responded and came over to the fence. I wanted to pet him so bad but (of course) did not. There was a keeper nearby and said that none of the lions ever respond to people unless it's a keeper with food.

I have lion- powers.

an9ie said...

Gen, that sounds really cool. Have you practised your wiles on any other felines lately? Imagine if you were on Lost (and that they had lions on the island). You'd be a superhero!