Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry?

Update (22/02/2007): There has been a bit of confusion about this post. To clarify, Nathan Fillion has not YET taken on any of the forbidden roles. He was a pretty nasty villain in Buffy, and that fringe didn't quite do it for me, but he was still a sexy 6 on a scale of 1 to 10, so I'll let that one go.

You know, I have lamented in the past that people like Julia Roberts don't seem to have a lot of acting range, and just end up playing themselves in movie after movie.

I don't mind too much, because I actually like most Julia Roberts movies. (Don't tell MFC, he would die from shame.)

I have also openly expressed my admiration for actors like Hugo Weaving and Cate Blanchett who are marvellous chameleons, great Australian ambassadors (unlike a certain Ussell-Ray on the Owe-Cray) and apparently really nice folks to boot.

But Nathan, dear Nathan Fillion, I'm sorry.

I don't care how many years you went to acting school for, and that in order to GROW as an actor you need to tick the following roles off your checklist:

  • non-sexy villain,
  • nerd with buck teeth and giant glasses (and I'M a nerd with glasses, so you can see I feel strongly about this),
  • really fat guy (even if it is for some kind of Shallow Hal or The Insider movie),
  • really thin guy/emaciated P.O.W.,
  • bitter lonely hermit who hates everybody and makes Girl Scouts cry,
  • horrible upper-class dude who disses working-class types and gets his humiliating come-uppance later,
  • pervert with strange fetish for feet and peeing on people in the shower,
  • some kind of unwashed mountain man with a huge beard.
Just, no.

So, really, I'm afraid the only roles you have left are:

  • space pirate/cowboy,
  • charming small-town sheriff.

You can handle that, can't you?

Or do you really want to make an9ie cry?

Because every time an9ie cries, a Domo-kun dies. You wouldn't want that on your conscience, dude.