Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Christmas Catalogue, Part 3

You know what's funny? Just the other night, I had a dream about Golden Retrievers.

(I know there is nothing more tiresome than hearing about someone else's dream so I'll be quick.)

I dreamt that my sister came back from a holiday overseas and announced, "I brought back Golden Retrievers for everyone!"

Then she steps to one side and you see these two minders, each with a couple of baby carriers strapped to their chests and backs. Each baby carrier has a half-grown, fluffy, fuzzy Golden Retriever pup, legs splayed (because baby carriers are not made for dogs, duh), barking and whining and wriggling in the most adorable way.

I was just about to reach out and choose one when MFC woke me up.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Now, look at these blankets. I know they're Golden Labradors, not Retrievers, but, tomayto, tomahto. Long-haired tomayto, short-haired tomahto.

(It's OK, MFC has given me enough crap about this so you don't have to. He has two Golden Retrievers, remember?)


"Muuuuuuuuuuummy! She's trying to eat my brain!"
"Don't look into her cold dead eyes, son!"


Excuse me? Soft as a hwhat?

Dudes, this is a bit of a sweeping statement. I mean, there are some parts of puppies that aren't that soft. Their tongues, for example, and the underneath parts of their paws, and their intestines, WHICH THESE EVIL PUPPY SKINNERS HAVE PROBABLY SEEN.

Puppy fleeces? That's just pure evil. (Although, I suppose, much easier to acquire than Golden Fleeces.) And judging from the worried frowns on their little faces, I'm guessing a dark spell à la Voldemort probably enslaved their souls in those blankets too.

Enjoy your cursed blanket, little girl. I hope it was worth it!

4 comments:

kris said...

Disturbing . . . on SO many levels. :)

And are you really allowed to type Volde^@$*( in print?!?!? I'd lock my doors if I were you. ;)

an9ie said...

Good point, kris! Maybe I should wait for the last HP book to come out to find see if V- dies, before I take his name in vain. Eep!

Can't be worse than a dream I had last night involving long-haired women a la The Ring and Grudge movies sneaking into public toilets and kidnapping women.

Don't ask. I'm covered in a cold sweat just thinking about it.

ジェネヴィーヴ said...

Enjoy your cursed blanket, little girl. I hope it was worth it!

That made me laugh really hard.

I always have bizarrely vivid dreams that end up sounding like some epic story á la LOTR or something.

an9ie said...

Genevieve, do you find with the epic dreams that you wake up thinking, "Oh man, that was even better than LOTR, I'd better write it down. I'll make a fortune!"

And then when you do it's all gibberish :p