Tuesday, December 19, 2006

A revolting morning discovery

Warning: I advise any queasy readers, especially the male ones, to not read this post.

I stay at a few different places some nights. Nomadic as this sounds, I'm really not that impulsive. It's just a part of my lifestyle at the moment. Most nights a week it's MFC's place, or we'll both be at someone's house and feel too tired to drive home. As all and sundry know, I am a very anal person. I plan outfits for while I'm away, down to shoes and underthings, and I always, always have my trusty toiletries caddy.

Here it is:

Your Honour, you will note the yellow circle around the Sensodyne toothbrush, which is a brand new replacement from the time the incident occurred. Yes, yes, the dental hygiene section looks like an ad for Oral-B. If you must know, here is what I do with all that teeth stuff:

1. Rub toothpaste all over teeth.
2. Floss in between all teeth with waxed floss.
3. Floss with Ultra Floss, in areas where there are small cavitations that I'm monitoring.
3a. (Night-time only) Brush with Sensodyne toothbrush (non-electric).
4. Brush with normal Oral-B electric toothbrush head.
5. Brush with interspace Oral-B electric toothbrush head.
6. Use tongue scraper.

On Saturday night I stayed over at a house that wasn't mine. The housemate had a few people over, people I didn't know with their shrieking girlfriends. They were having a pretty good time shouting obscenities at each other and playing loud music that lasted all night. I put my caddy in the guest bathroom, did my night routine, and went to bed with a pillow over my head.

The next morning I groggily went to the bathroom to start my morning routine. I picked up my normal Oral-B toothbrush head, and as I did so my Sensodyne toothbrush caught my eye. I picked it up and squinted at it. It looked like it had been soaked through with a brownish substance, and dried stiff. It definitely wasn't like that when I went to bed.

My brain went, "A-buh?" and slowly ticked over scenarios where brown gunk could have got on my toothbrush. A leak in the bathroom ceiling? A practical joke? Did I drop it somewhere? But it looked fine last night when I brushed my teeth...

I looked closer. It appeared to be organic, but not anything I recognised. What was it?

I started rinsing it under the tap, it was really stiff and whatever it was had stained the bristles quite badly. The cold water woke me a little and I recoiled, thinking, "WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING?" and stuffed it in the bin. Suddenly it hit me. What the brown stuff was.

All you queasy people STOP reading now. Especially the boys, who won't be able to handle this. In fact, to make sure no one gets too antsy and reads anyway, I shall make the next bit in white font. You'll have to highlight it with your mouse to read it. Consider this a final warning.

*White text starts here*
OK, ladies, you know how, on the first day of your period, you have brown spotting? It's not blood, and it doesn't look or smell like it. It's a thicker substance and I think it's tissue, part of the uterine lining, something like that.

That's what I think it was.

I think one of the bimbos at the party unexpectedly got her period, and washed her undies or clothes in the bathroom sink. (There were some dried brown splash dots on the wall next to the sink.) And I think she used my toothbrush to get out the worst of the crud, and then just PUT IT BACK the way it was, into my caddy.

*White text ends here*


Argh! I was so traumatised. And now so are you if you read that bit. And no blah-blah-that's-so-disgusting-how-could-you-let-me-read-that-Angie comments, thank you very much. You had two warnings and I also whited out the crucial bits. People like that exist. This is not a blog that pretends natural functions don't exist. If you took a deep breath and decided to read it anyway, well, take responsibility.

I was pretty grossed out but I'm mostly over it now. Plus, having a Mum for a nurse does desensitise you to these things.

Anyway, everything in my caddy has been cleaned, with every sterilising tablet and caustic liquid known to man. And examined. With a microscope and a blacklight.

I have a new toothbrush. The next time I stay somewhere, and there are people around that I don't know, it is staying in the same room with me or being locked in my car. Bleargh!



tfp said...

Ewwwwww gross. I know you gave warnings, but I had to read. I like gross-out stories. :-P

I don't know how someone could do something like that and just walk away. Whether they knew the owner of the toothbrush or not.

an9ie said...

Heehee, yeah, I like gross-out stories too. It's like scaring yourself with horror movies :)

Sigh, I don't know, tfp, I just don't know...but I could tell you some stories from boarding school and beyond!

tfp said...

Ooooh, boarding school stories sound most intriguing! Hee hee.

Anonymous said...

Forget the brown goo; that toiletries caddy is HUGE! What the hell! I bet the contents won't even fit into a standard backpack (if they were all sealable anti-spillage etc...)

When I stay over a friends place, I'd consider it lucky if I brought a towel and toothbrush/toothpaste with me.

Very impressed and shocked.

- RaZeR

benji!! said...

oh man, that's fucked, but to be honest I'm not really surprised at how inconciderate some people can be :/ although, that's pretty extreme, That sucks though ey.
haha, I like cleanliness, but I don't bring a cleaning caddy with me, haha, thats pretty clean!!
My sympathies,
- Benji!!

an9ie said...

RaZeR - You can imagine the pain I felt when I had to SCALE DOWN for the trip to Japan! Imagine, I had to fit all that into a bag HALF the size of that caddy!

benji - Good to see you again, buddy! I know I've been bad and not done any drawings lately. Hoping to rectify that these holidays!