Saturday, November 04, 2006

Lolitas for Christmas? Perverts need holiday cheer too!

I was browsing through the toy catalogue of a certain department store this week, amusing myself by looking at what kids are going to receive in their Christmas stockings this year*, and I saw the picture that you'll see in a couple of paragraphs.

You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding.

I have a real beef about Bratz dolls. I think they look nasty and trampy and have no redeeming features. As far as I'm concerned, they are a skank template for impressionable young minds, with their hugely dilated pupils practically yelling "Yoohoo! Paedophiles! Come hither, big daddy!" and their pouty porn-star mouths taking up half their facial surface area ("These lips were made for fluffing!") Jeez, even their pets look slutty. If you've never seen a seductive Chihuahua, then hoo-boy, get ready for a shock. Did you know they were invented by a couple of men in their 40s? Just a little bit of trivia for you there :p

But it gets worse, now they have Bratz clothing for girls!

It's Patty the Daytime Hooker!**

I apologise in advance to the parents of that child, but if that little girl does not look primed to stroll downtown to offer men in cars some "happy endings", then I'm a Scandinavian supermodel called Boobinskaya.

Sexy pony. Now all that spam I've been getting makes sense...
Don't get me started on the baby!

Barbie is starting to look frighteningly cerebral next to this horrid franchise. Come back Barbie! All is forgiven! At least she encourages girls to become doctors and pilots and vets instead of hoochie buffets, and wears Oscar de la Renta, not Target Whore.

Even Disney is getting in on the clothing act. I turned a few pages and saw:

AAAAAARRRGH!!! It's Cinderskank!

When I have children, I'm sending them to be raised in a convent in Albania.

* Lots of flimsy, gaudy, plastic crap from China. Enjoy, kids!
** I love My Name is Earl.


tfp said...

I agree - Bratz are pretty trashy looking. Next there'll be little girls wanting surgery to make their heads oversized like Bratz.

an9ie said...

Isn't there a disease they can go to Africa to catch for that? You think oversized head = big brain, but alas, no...