Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Arj Barker at the Playhouse

Ooh, the Mountain Dew 2005... a good choice, madam...

We went and saw Arj Barker, one of MFC's favourite comedians, at The Playhouse last Saturday. I actually remembered some of his jokes after the show, and have to write them down NOW before my brain decides that it's more important to overwrite that information with stuff like how we need more toilet paper, or that eating banana skins can cause hallucinations*.

The quotes are from memory, so if I've missed a few words here and there, well, you get the gist.

During the show he brings out a lot of his regular material, but it's all the good stuff, like when he says: "So the lady on the news is going, 'Airport security has gone up 300%...but our railways and roads remain vulnerable.' WHY DON'T YOU JUST DRAW THEM A MAP?"

Or when he goes into detail about his alternative aid program, Doctors Without Degrees.

Even though I got tickets early, we ended up in Row H, and the whole show run sold out pretty quickly. Nevertheless, the Playhouse has a good layout, and we were still fairly close to the stage.

Joel Ozborn opened for Arj, and I like Joel's stuff, I do, he's a pretty funny guy, and does great improv, but unfortunately we had already seen him in "Akmal! Akmal!" a couple of months ago and his routine was quite fresh in our minds. Poor Joel, it's not your fault we're freaks addicted to live comedy!

Then Arj came out. Woo, applause, yay! He starts the usual "It's great to be in Perth," thing, and some yobbo at the back yelled out, "'Bout time!" in a truculent kind of way. Grrr, damn hecklers!

Arj is a pretty cool, collected guy, though, so he just said "Well, I heard the people were so friendly!"

And I swear, you know how there are always people who arrive late to these things, and they're usually the ones who have seats in the front row? I kid you not, there were SIX group of late comers, with the last group arriving 45 minutes into the show, and four of the six groups (min. 2 people) were sitting in the front and second rows. Sheesh.

I don't know if you can tell, because I'm quite subtle about it (teehee), but I have a very low tolerance level for my fellow human beings. I think I'd be a much happier person in a colony of lemurs.

The two girls next to me, perhaps mistaking a night of comedy for an evening at the drive-in, brought out, in succession, a large packet of Maltesers, two bottles of Coke, and finally, a packet of potato chips. The rustling noises of their trotters rummaging around in the bags was so loud that I wanted to go all Hulk on them and crush their chips into tiny pieces, before mashing them into their hair while going, "RAAAARRR! ANGIE SMASH!"

So it was a little hard to concentrate on the stage, what with the bloodrage mist in my eyes and all.

Still, good show, Arj! (And tally-ho and all that.) He went for about an hour, never running out of steam or being lost for words, and finished by saying that he noticed Australians swore a lot.

Like when he asked a local for directions:
"Do you know where [place name] is?"
"Sh*t yeah, you just f*ckin' turn right and then chuck a left, another f*ckin' left, and you'll see the c*nt."
"Thank you, officer!"

He puts on a pretty decent Aussie accent too. We had fun. The end.

P.S. Ooh, ooh, something else that will demonstrate how I really do need to be in some kind of metal restraint around my fellow human beings; the people in front of us started getting hysterics and laughing too damn early. Premature ejoculation! I mean, really, you smile, you wait, you know the good part is coming. He's just building up, man, don't cream yourself until the punchline. But this guy in front of us was pinching his brow between his thumb and fingers like he had an ice-cream chuckle headache, and his girlfriend kept slapping (yes, SLAPPING) her forehead with barely contained mirth when no one else was laughing. I don't know, maybe there was some kind of day release program special on that night.

P.P.S. Yes, I'm going to be the mean old lady in the neighbourhood who sits on her verandah and throws plates at children.

P.P.P.S. My apologies for being in Bitchy McBitch mode. Without going into too much detail, I had one of those days where you just want to go home, kick something really hard, and then lie in bed in a chocolate liqueur induced torpor.

*Matt says his friend tried it and it didn't work. Ah well, back to the mushrooms then.

1 Comment:

RaZeR said...

<3 <3 <3

OH I want to see the ANGIE SMASH!


- RaZeR