Friday, September 29, 2006

Babies are in season!

My Mum cracks me up. I was at my parents' house last night for my weekly visit (I feel very guilty if I have to miss a week, because I know she really looks forward to it).

She's a maternity nurse and always has lots of stories. Apparently the ward is very busy at the moment, about 300 cases, which is twice the number from last month. The clerks are all saying "I've never seen so many files!" and they've had to overflow into the general ward next door, so the poor patients there have to put up with all the baby crying noises. It's like a constant loud irritating hum punctuated with distressed screams. I'd rather listen to swarms of bees than be in a baby ward all day. One old guy said to my Mum "I haven't heard a baby crying for years and now they're everywhere!"


"Jusht one more Chrishmas beer... oo-er, my wife ish looking quite attractive tonight."

"Oh darling, what better way to celebrate our love than by conceiving a child on Valentine's Day?" etc.

People should really be more responsible. I mean, next month (October) I have a birthday party to go to EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT. How inconsiderate! When am I going to get some "me" time? :P

Anyway, I'm getting to the story in question.

She was attending to this enormous lady who had a Caesarean and wanted to pick up her baby from the nursery. By the way, I am flabbergasted that this woman even managed to CONCEIVE with all that weight. Not to mention all these Women's Day stories entitled "I WAS PREGNANT AND DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT" keep popping into my mind.

So on the way back to the room, with the baby, Mum (who is quite wily, and let's face it, she's going to be 60 next year, although she doesn't look it, and the less back-breaking stuff she has to do the better) said to the husband "OK, I'll take the princess, and you can wheel the queen back."
Husband: "But I want to hold the baby."
Mum (in a firmer tone): "No no, it's OK. I'll take the princess, you take the queen."
Husband: "But..."
At this point the wife got narky and yelled "(Husbands name)! Come here and push me back to the room!"