Thursday, May 19, 2005

Calories OUT! OUT!

Right, my BRAND NEW weight-loss strategy is as follows...

Two photos on PC desktop to look at when contemplating consumption:

Photo #1, named "Are you sure you want to eat that.jpg":
Group action shot of the "six marry murderesses" from Chicago in their fishnets and lycra. Reason to be explained in a later blog, say, around June.

Photo #2, captioned "Are you REALLY sure you want to eat that.jpg":
Photo of very stern Jennifer Garner in black leather outfit from Season 2 with very toned arms and abs.

Of course, having these on my desktop is certainly not going to help the lesbian rumours. (It's hard having these broad swimmer's shoulders.)

Past strategy failures include:

Theory: Eating only when hungry.
Reality: Always hungry. Next.

Theory: Eating only at mealtimes.
Reality: Mealtimes become 7 courses long and 2 hours long. Next.

Theory: Keeping healthy snacks in drawer.
Reality: All snacks consumed in one sitting. Next.

Theory: Exercise.
Reality: I like this one, but I've had bad luck recently with feeling run down, followed by back problems, followed by flu. Must persevere and go to kendo. I'm sure the Shaolin Temple monks weren't coddled with a cup of Lemsip and a hot water bottle when they got the sniffles.

Where's Mr. Burns? Can't he just pay for the liposuction?


RaZeR said...

spending all your money so that you cannot buy treats actually does the trick for me.

P.S. I'm one of those people that speeds up after pedestrians (or at least revs my engine really loud and pretends to speed up). If your walking on the road, you should be the one to jump out of the way not the car.

an9ie said...

I'm talking about crossing the road with a reasonable margin so that you will be out of the path of the car if it continues travelling at the same speed. In fact if I see a car coming I speed up my walk. Some drivers fail to grasp this concept and instead of returning the courtesy, they speed up (also probably because they hate me), thereby ruining what would have been a nice arrangement :)