Thursday, April 28, 2005

Revised dream dictionaries

See, the French and the English have institutes dedicated to updating dictionaries with new words, but unfortunately the stoned hippies that publish those handy guides to your dreams have no such dedication to their craft.

If I had a nightmare about a tamagotchi (yes, I know they're passe), I could look it up in the Oxford dictionary, but not in the local dream guide, which has "crimpers" and "gopher", but not "cocaine" or "gimp mask". Move with the times, people!

And to add insult to injury, their dubious publications tend to be printed on such incredibly coarse and cheap paper that they cannot even be put to use as serviettes, cigarette papers, or handy rollies for lines.

Let's put it this way, if I were trapped in a bush toilet and had to choose between the pages of the "Australian Dream Guide" or a passing hedgehog*, there would be a deliberate pause while I made decision. Knowing my luck, the hedgehog would probably escape during my ruminations, and I'd have to wait for more unsuspecting fauna to stroll by.

Anyway, let's say the other night one might have dreamt that one was in the canteen talking to a guy that one may have fancied (definitely no one that any of you know. No, definitely not. Doesn't even live within a 3000km radius. So drop it.) and in my ... I mean, one's dream he was totally gay! Stupid brain!

So I consult a dream guide that I find lying around at work, and look up "gay". Hmm, nothing. "Homosexual"? Nope. In desperation, I even try "camp". Zero.

What does it all mean? These things may be important! Get your act together people!

* Except we don't have hedgehogs in Australia. Damn!