Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Sydney - Day 3

We have breakfast with Veronica in Slurry Hills. Holy crap, Ron has lost weight. She looks damn good. Mmm, bagel with blueberries and cream cheese. I also finish the rest of Nicky's scrambled eggs.

We talk about what to do on Thursday night. It's a toss-up between 1) going out clubbing and trying out our new stripper moves, or 2) checking out the hotted up Lebo (Nicky's words, not mine, but it's OK, because she is one. You know the rules,) cars at Stanmore McDonald's. Michael says he once saw one with the numberplate "SLUTB8". Now that's clever.

But in a totally demeaning, anti-feminist kind of way, of course. Shame on them!

(I find the R&B songs on the charts at the moment a real conundrum. If you actually pay attention to the lyrics you'll notice that they say terrible things about women and objectify them, but then they're so catchy you find yourself singing along going "Doodoodoo...nasty girls ... bringing 'em all back to my crib ... doodoo ... oops--I mean, I'm outraged! Damn their scaly misogynistic hides!" )

Eeeeeeeeee - SHOPPING - from Surrey Hills to Oxford Street

We find a store where everything is suspiciously cheap, and there is a bargain bin where all the tops are $3. They are also mostly mesh, which will go perfectly with our strippercise videos.

Confession--I am going through a small mesh phase. Nicky says "Yeah, you were acting all nonchalant when you saw that mesh, but I saw that light go on behind your eyes!" I also got a suede-look jacket for $10 and another nice zip-up jacket for $20.

Cotton On has fabulous belts-white canvas with black writing. I'm such a fan of what the stores are selling at the moment. Have to seize the moment and do enough shopping while they're selling things I actually like.

Past seasons: remember the Little House on the Prairie look with the puffy sleeves, and the hippie/boho chic stuff, not to mention those tiny skirts that the manks are wearing (well, if you can call a single ruffle that you need to colour-coordinate your underwear with a "skirt"). I die a little more inside when they bring out stuff like that.

Supre has some interesting cowboy-themed stuff. There is a really nice singlet top with writing on it, but the words on the top line start with "Get Lucky" and quite frankly, I already have enough problems with mis-communication. I settle on another top which I think is quite tasteful but some people have said that it also sends out a "Get Lucky" message, without having to resort to words. Sheesh, sometimes you just can't win.

Raw Comedy NSW State Finals at the Comedy Store, Fox Studios

On the way there we make up DJ names to amuse ourselves:
Michael - MixMaster Mike
Nicky - MC N.I.C.
Angie - Funkmaster Gie
Ryan - Da RyddemBitch
Tom - PussyRider T (Actually, Tom wasn't there but when we saw him at home we gave him one too, so he wouldn't feel left out.)

Julia Morris as MC. What a potty mouth! To distract myself from her crudeness I mentally critique her outfit (for some reason, being in Sydney and having Nicky to bounce off turns my bitch knob up a few notches, but it's so much fun.) Oh well, at least she has nice legs. (Nicky later points out that she's wearing stilettos, which makes everyone's legs look good. The claw sheaths are off, then.)

The man sitting in front of us laughs uproariously and keeps turning around to stare at us when he does. Nicky and I sit there with our hands in our laps and "We are not amused" looks, but then, we're a tough audience. Also, we have standards.

A very disturbing lesbian talks about her first sexual experience with her dog. We all sit there slightly stunned and faintly nauseated when she finally finishes.

I have to say, after all the acts, Rob Castle gets my vote. He starts talking about how some prisoners in hmm, some prison, I think it's Queensland, have been breeding redbacks, milking their venom, mixing it with water and injecting themselves with it for a hit. The moment he won my heart was when he said "And after a hard day of rimming my bitch, there's nothing I enjoy more than a good hit of redback venom!" Ehehehehehe...