Sunday, March 06, 2005

Chinese wedding banquet and mechanical bull party

Mum's friend's daughter got married yesterday, and we were invited to the banquet at Jade Dynasty in the evening. Actually, we were invited to the marriage ceremony too (which, as everyone knows is punishment for attending the reception), but I had kendo that morning ;)

They got married at the Nedlands Chinese Methodist Church. Call me ignorant but I never realised that there was a Chinese Methodist Church in Nedlands, let alone enough Chinese people living there to support one. Well, spank me with chutney and call me surprised!

The banquet was very cute and very, hmm, what we would call "Chee-na" back in the country I grew up in. I was a bit concerned about what to wear (living out of a suitcase; not a lot of dress-up options) but my sister, Y, told me to just wear my work clothes since people would be turning up in a whole range of clothing from jeans and t-shirts to ball-gowns. And so they did. I didn't feel out of it at all. At one point this girl rocked up in a tiny black leather dress with white fur around the collar and knee-high black leather boots. Y had to smack my jaw back into place.

I agreed to meet my sis outside the restaurant and as usual, she was late. I had a brief psychic moment because it suddenly occurred to me that she had parked MILES away to save money, and I was right. I tried to send a polite telepathic call ("Can you hear me, Y? JUST PAY FOR THE &^#&ING PARKING....") but it didn't work. I think my powers lie more in reception than transmission. So I had to wait for ages while people gave me pitying looks and I was doing my "So what? Yeah, I'm really busy standing here...doing...stuff..." routine. This is why I really need an iPod.

I was in stitches for most of the banquet, though. My sister and I felt like total bananas, which I suppose we are. And she was feeling slightly uncomfortable because the first thing Mum points out is how the couple sitting next to us are BOTH doctors. Well, whoop-de-doo, I'm a sys admin and I probably earn as much and manage to have a life too. Actually they were a very nice couple, and I bored them with kendo and other nerdy talk but they were very sweet about it. I told Y to make up some cock and bull story about how she was married to a neuro-surgeon and had to stay home to take care of her six male children but she wouldn't play. Jeez, lady, I mean, it's not like we're going to meet these people ever again.

Man, Chinese wedding banquets are scary. The couple did a karaoke version of "Everything I do" and the mikes were giving out all this feedback because the groom was getting right into it and yelling into them. Then they had to go to each table to do a "Yam-seng" toast and smooch after each one. And, well, I hate to be a prude (which I am, yeah, deal with it) - they could have gone for a nice peck on the lips, then moved on, but instead there was a lot of full suction macking going on, in front of THEIR PARENTS, and all the aunties and uncles and grannies. It's nice that they have that passion, really ... ew, FULL SUCTION, people.

Chinese karaoke videos are terrible. Enough said.

I had a blast.

Then I made a sneaky getaway at 10 to go to D's party in Mundijong. (I found out later that I'd missed out on cake. Bugger.) At about 10.30 I'd only reached Armadale and there were fewer and fewer houses and I was thinking, "Hmmm, should I just turn around and go to bed now?" but eventually I got there at 11.

Things had quietened down by then. I'd missed the party peak (damn!) but C and P did another fire show with their batons and chain things, and D and A had another turn on stage and I sang a couple of songs with them. (Note to self - hot guys shouting "Angie!" while you're on stage is one of the best feelings in the world. Hee.) I was definitely not insane enough to go on the mechanical bull, especially after kendo coach's many admonitions about not taking up new activities. And it looked pretty scary - a free ticket to Whiplash Central. Several people said it was very slippery.

D had also organised two spas and a masseuse (just a guy in a t-shirt giving out Thai massage). G let me play with his toy sword (I don't know why he brings these things to parties) and I was showing him some kendo techniques with it. He had some porn-star glasses on as well. I've never met so many boys who liked to play dress-up.

State individual championships were on the next day so I had to go home at 2. I finally got to bed at 4.30 after making myself a huge meal. (The Chinese banquet was 8 courses but the portions were pretty small so I was still hungry.) And I'd started reading book 1 of The Mad Ship so I absolutely had to finish the chapter. One day I WILL get to sleep in, I really will.

No, really.