Thursday, March 31, 2005

Sydney - Day 4

Boohoo. Nicky has to work today so I have to entertain myself. First of all though, I have to post some clothes back to Perth--there is no way all my shopping is going to fit into my suitcase.

Hang around Leichhardt but there's not a lot of shopping around (and very little mesh) so I head into town.

Hmm, shopping is not as much fun without Nicky to egg me on into making impulse buys. I find a place called dirtcheapcds where everything is $10 though. 

I remember Nicky talking about the dirty version of Khia's "Lick It" so I try to find it. Ah, bingo, find a seedy looking compilation called "SexCells" and get it as a gag gift. Hee.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Sydney - Day 3

We have breakfast with Veronica in Slurry Hills. Holy crap, Ron has lost weight. She looks damn good. Mmm, bagel with blueberries and cream cheese. I also finish the rest of Nicky's scrambled eggs.

We talk about what to do on Thursday night. It's a toss-up between 1) going out clubbing and trying out our new stripper moves, or 2) checking out the hotted up Lebo (Nicky's words, not mine, but it's OK, because she is one. You know the rules,) cars at Stanmore McDonald's. Michael says he once saw one with the numberplate "SLUTB8". Now that's clever.

But in a totally demeaning, anti-feminist kind of way, of course. Shame on them!

(I find the R&B songs on the charts at the moment a real conundrum. If you actually pay attention to the lyrics you'll notice that they say terrible things about women and objectify them, but then they're so catchy you find yourself singing along going "Doodoodoo...nasty girls ... bringing 'em all back to my crib ... doodoo ... oops--I mean, I'm outraged! Damn their scaly misogynistic hides!" )

Eeeeeeeeee - SHOPPING - from Surrey Hills to Oxford Street

We find a store where everything is suspiciously cheap, and there is a bargain bin where all the tops are $3. They are also mostly mesh, which will go perfectly with our strippercise videos.

Confession--I am going through a small mesh phase. Nicky says "Yeah, you were acting all nonchalant when you saw that mesh, but I saw that light go on behind your eyes!" I also got a suede-look jacket for $10 and another nice zip-up jacket for $20.

Cotton On has fabulous belts-white canvas with black writing. I'm such a fan of what the stores are selling at the moment. Have to seize the moment and do enough shopping while they're selling things I actually like.

Past seasons: remember the Little House on the Prairie look with the puffy sleeves, and the hippie/boho chic stuff, not to mention those tiny skirts that the manks are wearing (well, if you can call a single ruffle that you need to colour-coordinate your underwear with a "skirt"). I die a little more inside when they bring out stuff like that.

Supre has some interesting cowboy-themed stuff. There is a really nice singlet top with writing on it, but the words on the top line start with "Get Lucky" and quite frankly, I already have enough problems with mis-communication. I settle on another top which I think is quite tasteful but some people have said that it also sends out a "Get Lucky" message, without having to resort to words. Sheesh, sometimes you just can't win.

Raw Comedy NSW State Finals at the Comedy Store, Fox Studios

On the way there we make up DJ names to amuse ourselves:
Michael - MixMaster Mike
Nicky - MC N.I.C.
Angie - Funkmaster Gie
Ryan - Da RyddemBitch
Tom - PussyRider T (Actually, Tom wasn't there but when we saw him at home we gave him one too, so he wouldn't feel left out.)

Julia Morris as MC. What a potty mouth! To distract myself from her crudeness I mentally critique her outfit (for some reason, being in Sydney and having Nicky to bounce off turns my bitch knob up a few notches, but it's so much fun.) Oh well, at least she has nice legs. (Nicky later points out that she's wearing stilettos, which makes everyone's legs look good. The claw sheaths are off, then.)

The man sitting in front of us laughs uproariously and keeps turning around to stare at us when he does. Nicky and I sit there with our hands in our laps and "We are not amused" looks, but then, we're a tough audience. Also, we have standards.

A very disturbing lesbian talks about her first sexual experience with her dog. We all sit there slightly stunned and faintly nauseated when she finally finishes.

I have to say, after all the acts, Rob Castle gets my vote. He starts talking about how some prisoners in hmm, some prison, I think it's Queensland, have been breeding redbacks, milking their venom, mixing it with water and injecting themselves with it for a hit. The moment he won my heart was when he said "And after a hard day of rimming my bitch, there's nothing I enjoy more than a good hit of redback venom!" Ehehehehehe...

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Sydney - Day 2

Morning

Breakfast with Nicky and Michael at The Grind. I have spinach and scrambled eggs on an English muffin and Turkish bread with honey. Yum.

Noon

We wander around Darling Harbour searching for the Powerhouse Museum, stumble on a shoe sale and get distracted for an hour. After immensely satisfying shoe purchases, we continue our search and immediately become distracted by a CD sale at Sanity.

Now it's quite scary, how after not seeing each other for at least 2 years, Nicky and I still have such a rapport, and we keep saying and doing things that the other person is about to say or thinking about. The next example, although it shows us to be completely un-cool, demonstrates this wondrous quasi-psychic connection we have:

Nicky is browsing through the "Special Interest" section when I come up to her and say "Wonder if there are any hip hop dance instruction DVDs here?"
Nicky: "I was just looking for those!"
Angie: "Hey, did you know Carmen Electra has released a strippercise video?"
Nicky holds up the DVD whose cover she's been reading. It is Carmen Electra's "Fit to Strip: Volume 1".

Afternoon

The last week of the LOTR exhibition at the Powerhouse Museum. Full of school children, which sets my kendo arm a-twitching.

It's amazing seeing the actual costumes used in the movie. Viggo Mortensen actually lived in his for most of the time, and mended and washed it himself. Viggo, here's two cents, buy a life. If you're not going to enjoy your movie star lifestyle, can I have it please?

Orlando Bloom has better legs than I do, how depressing. Liv Tyler's dresses are divine. The large troll from "The Fellowship of the Ring" is anatomically correct. Ew. Massive is a fabulous piece of software.

We go back and play Darrin's Hip Hop Dance Groove on Michael's DVD player. Teehee. We agree that the blonde twins who are part of the demonstration group are a bit too chunky, but the chica latina is HOT. Then we watch the Carmen Electra DVDs, and roll around on the floor laughing.

Michael comes in while we're watching Carmen slap her own butt and goes "OH MY GOD - what are you two watching?" We offer Michael and Tom $50 to learn the first basic strip routine and perform it for us, but it appears that they have more dignity than that. Who'd have thunk it?

Evening

Nicky gets a call from her older sister, Veronica, arranging to meet for breakfast the next day. She tells Ronnie about the Fit to Strip and Ron exclaims "Carmen Electra! She's a whorebag! You hussies!"*

* We notice that this doesn't stop her from borrowing the DVDs so she can make back-ups of them. HA.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Sydney - Day 1

Nicky picks me up from the airport and from the word go we start talking about anything and everything. We laugh so much that I give myself a headache, but it doesn't matter.

She's sharing a house with her little brother Michael and Michael's best friend Tom, who happens to be the younger brother of Alicia, a girl that Nicky and I went to school with.

I remember Michael as a little angelic 11 year old, so I nearly have a coronary when this tall, hairy, well, man meets us at the house. It's also freaky to meet Tom, as he looks like his sister, but is her complete opposite as far as personalities go.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

I hate packing

Looks like I am going to have a very heavy cabin bag--next stop, Scoliosis Central!

Nicky called me today before lunch. It was so good to hear from her, I can't believe we'll be in Sydney together this time next week. She couldn't get tickets to The Glass House because they're not filming on Easter Tuesday, but we are going to the NSW State Finals of Raw Comedy (finalists go to the Melbourne International Comedy Festival), and also the LOTR exhibition of the Powerhouse Museum, so it looks like we'll have a FULLY SICK time. Yay!

(The background story is - Nicky and I were very good friends at high school in Bathurst and kind of lost touch with each other afterwards. One day in 2001, I was in Sydney on a trip for [large telecommunications company], and was walking past George Street cinemas when I saw this girl who looked exactly like her. Now, if I had followed my original impulse of "Gah, I'm tired and hungry and can't be stuffed asking a stranger if she's my long-lost school friend," or chosen to take my usual route back to the hotel through Chinatown, I would never have found her again. She came out to Perth for work a couple of years back and really liked it. In fact, one day she might even move out here, mightn't you, Nickster? ;)

Can't afford an iPod at the moment but found a Philips mp3 CD player for $60 reduced from $99 at Target, so I've burnt some mp3 CDs for the plane. Finally I'll get to listen to those Adam and Wil mp3's from last year's JJJ breakfast show (600MB worth). And Tripod's weekly challenge songs.

In the lyrics to Tripod's"I hate your family" song, there's a bit that goes:

The night I first met them,
the dog was drunk,
and your father threatened me with a knife.
Your sister showed me her collection of eels,
and what she did then will stay with me for life.

You're welcome.

My next post won't be till after the 4th of April, by the way. If my sister is reading this, I am not lying dead in a ditch and you can always call my mobile. Remember to pick me up from the airport on Sunday night!

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Three days in one post - lazy me

Friday

My laptop is ready! Hooray! Now I can watch TV on it and finally find out what the fuss is about Desperate Housewives, Lost, The Amazing Race ... ah screw it, there's not enough hours in the day. Except for BSG, there's always time for BSG and the divine No. 6 and Jamie Bamber.

Saw the dermatologist, and the long and short of it is, I have to go on Roaccutane to fix this thing long-term. I started tonight before I lost my nerve and made excuses re: the Nationals, training, vanity, side-effects--big plans require big actions, there's no turning back now. They definitely don't hold back when describing the potential side-effects; there are some scary ones which would fit right into the sealed-section in Cosmo. In a nutshell, the guidelines are: sunlight will make you melt, invest in Vaseline shares, and stay away from sharp objects.

Also, my tweezers are going to become my new best friend as waxing is a no-no (apologies in advance for the grotesque image). I figure if I start getting up at 5 in the mornings, I can do about a square centimetre of grazing a day with these babies.

Saturday


Saw AmM (vocals and guitar) and D (b. vocals and violin) in their band Rotary 10 at the Lookout. Hehe - who would've thought AM was such a rock goddess in front of the mike? D's violin was really good as well, but I can't wait to see her sing with shitYeah. They'd been shopping on Friday and got these cool debutante goth gowns and droolsome boots. Mmm, love boots.

G and J were there as well but had to leave early as G had a triathlon in Freo on Sunday morning. He said that as long as he beat one guy in tight colourful spandex with shaved legs he'd be happy. Maidstone was on after R10, and they were surprisingly good (I work on the glass-half-empty principle when it comes to local bands), you could tell they'd been playing together for a while.

Sunday

Visiting parents and emptying out their fridge day.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

New Body Jam

Went to Body Jam last night. The new track is awesome. Lots of hip hop (woohoo!), but the Latin tracks are quite exhausting (and in certain places, extremely humiliating). K1, C and K2 were there, but the girls seemed to enjoy it more than the boys, despite the presence of delicious instructor Suzie and her handing out Lindt chocolate Easter eggs. K1 says he thinks this second class has broken his spirit :)

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Destination Day

An interesting announcement I found today:

"In the event that time travel is made possible in the future, the first official location and time for the return of inhabitants of the future to the present day is declared:
DESTINATION DAY
12 Noon (UTC/GMT + 8 hours)31st March 2005
Forrest Place, Perth 6000, Western Australia"


http://www.destinationday.net/index.php

Hmm, yes, I believe you, Lord Mayor of Perth. Now, back into the quiet room with you, and don't forget your little pink pills...

The forum (http://www.destinationday.net/forum.php) is hilarious though, especially this guy:

shaen the magnificent 16.3.05
PEOPLE FROM THE FUTURE! IF YOU COME ON THAT DAY, I WILL STEAL YOUR TECH, GO FORWARD IN TIME AND KILL YOUR PARENTS!

Don't touch my cheese

Very tiny rant:

It is possible to slice cheese (I'm referring to generic brand Cheddar here) without removing it from the packet and without touching it with icky fingers.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Do we really rule the world?

This morning I was stuck behind a car in traffic on Aberdare Road, which has four lanes and an island in between. The words "What the &%#@& is he doing?" were just forming in my chocolate-deprived mind when I noticed 20 ducks crossing the road in front of him. They were so cute that all was forgiven.

The ducks suddenly turned around and started walking back the way they came. "Stupid ducks!" Then they stopped and just stood there. You could almost see the tension fumes rising from the assembled drivers. I was wishing that I carried a wok in the back seat of my car.

Finally the little bastards formed a huddle in the middle of the island and flew away. All that was missing was one of them saying "HA-ha" a la Nelson Munts.

Monday, March 14, 2005

Weekend stuff

Sunday morning - swap meet

Some people are completely mad (myself included). I got up at 4.30 and arrived at Melville Plaza at 5.45am. It was unnatural. There were already heaps of people there, not just sellers but buyers as well, wandering around in the semi-darkness, furtively peering at everyone's goods. E had arrived a few minutes before me and said she'd got the last bay. Apparently people sleep in the carpark overnight so they can get good spots for selling. E made over $150! I cannot believe the crap people will buy! Mad. (This does not mean E was selling shit. I am, of course, referring to other people. People I didn't know.)

I didn't sell much of my stuff, but we had a pretty good time. I'd borrowed Susan's clothing rack and the damn thing has taken at least 3 years off my life in cumulative heart spasms. Whenever the wind changed it would lurch from side to side and three times of out five, it would fall over. Finally, the nice Italian man in the next bay took pity on me and tied it to one of his tables. I gave him a choc hot cross bun later when I went to return his string. Mmm, chocolate hot cross buns. (Get the Baker's Delight ones - they have more choc chips.) 

At about 8am a familiar face came wandering by - it was P, a guy I used to work with at [large telecommunications company]. Same old P. Still at [large telecommunications company]. (And apparently, so was everyone else.) When we had teleconferences with the big boys, P would lean back in his chair and fall asleep in about 2 seconds. Sometimes his snoring got a bit loud and we'd have to put the mute button on while someone nudged him awake. We also used to play buzzword bingo (good old mute button!). One of the team members had the surname Bond, so before the meeting A would squeal "Mr. Bond, the plane, the plane!" Ah, good times...

Sunday night - Kill Wil

First of all, I demand more than an hour of stand-up for $40. I reckon I got about, hmmm, $25 worth of comedy, and some of it was stuff I'd already heard on the Glass House or radio. In fact, in some bits, I was thinking, "Man, I've heard my friend Janine say funnier things! By gum, we're comedy geniuses! We should record our 8am morning coffee sessions--they're GOLD."

There were some empty seats in the front row, and Wil said "I'll bet someone I know just did that to spite me. 'Thinks he's a big shot selling out to full houses, eh? I'll show him...' 'Hello, this is Adam Spencer, I'd like to book out 4 seats in the front row. Ah, f*ck it, make that 3 seats. It's a prime number.' " Heh. Only geeks or JJJ listeners will get that one. 

Lotion by Greenskeepers

Oh my G - how wrong are the lyrics to this song?

I'm looking down the hole, you're looking up at me
You're cold and tired, that is easy to see
Lower the rope to you, a bucket on the line
Your membrane will be soft and smooth, and your heart will be mine

It rubs the lotion on its skin
or else it gets the hose again
It rubs the lotion on its skin
or else it gets the hose again, yes precious it gets the hose

Ooooh, ooh ooh
Ooooh, ooh ooh

The look inside your eyes, it drives me from control
Evoking visions of my favourite casserole
And if I eat your heart, I'll also bite your soul
And when I'm done with that I'll use your skull, as a bowl

It rubs the lotion on its skin
or else it gets the hose again
It rubs the lotion on its skin-in
or else it gets the hose again, it gets the hose

It puts the lotion in the basket
It puts the lotion in the basket
It puts the lotion in the basket, yes it does
Put the lotion in the basket
Put the lotion in the basket
Put the lotion in the basket, now
Put the lotion in the basket, now, yes it does

Ooooh, ooh ooh
Ooooh, ooh ooh

The night is very cold
I'm feeling kind of weak
I think I'll make myself a cap from your right buttocks cheek
And then I will go walking with my little dog
And then I'll bury you, underneath a log

It rubs the lotion on its skin
or else it gets the hose again
It rubs the lotion on its skin
or else it gets the hose again, yes it does precious

It puts the lotion in the basket
Bitch put the lotion in the basket
Oh put the lotion in the f*cking basket bitch
Put the lotion in the basket


Ooooh, ooh ooh
Ooooh, ooh ooh
Ooooh, ooh ooh
Ooooh, ooh ooh

Triple J's Hottest 100 Volume 12

Hottest 100 my arse - there are only 40 songs in this compilation!

Friday, March 11, 2005

Busy Sunday

Off to get rid of crap at swap meet Sunday morning (no sleep-in this time, gotta be there at 5.45am!) with E. Must try very hard not to replace recently-disposed-of-crap with newly-acquired-other-people's-crap.

And I'm seeing Wil Anderson at the Octagon Sunday night! Sweeeeet! I'm not sure if he can sustain a show by himself, he seems to need a straight man to bounce off, but we'll see. The nice thing about going to these things by yourself is getting choice seats. I'll be right up the front near the aisle. D and L say I'm going to be so picked on and I shouldn't wear anything conspicuous or make any sudden moves.

Perth appears on slash.dot news! (Non-nerds don't bother reading this)

OMG - Swiftel got raided today for "hosting" BitTorrent sites! (Link today on http://slashdot.org/ goes to http://www.zdnet.com.au/news/0,39023165,39184042,00.htm)

Music piracy unit raids ISP in BitTorrent assault

By Kristyn Maslog-Levis, ZDNet Australia

10 March 2005

Australia's music industry piracy investigations unit has raided an Internet service provider in Perth in what it says is the first Australian assault on the use of BitTorrent technology for copyright infringement.

Outgoing Music Industry Piracy Investigations (MIPI) general manager, Michael Speck, said the raid was launched this afternoon at the offices of Swiftel Communications in the Western Australian capital's central business district after federal magistrate Rolf Driver yesterday granted a civil search order.

"We have identified Swiftel as an ISP which has adopted BitTorrent technology to link infringers to music clips and sound recordings," Speck commented in a statement released this afternoon. "We believe hundreds of thousands of downloads have been conducted in the last year in breach of copyright laws".

Evidence gathered during the raid would, Speck said, be used to bring a copyright prosecution before the courts.

This is so silly. I can't believe the Australian police have nothing better to do. How can the ISP adopt BitTorrent technology when it's software that lives on user's PCs? Are they talking about TCP/IP, or *gasp* - bits? I hope this gets thrown out of court.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

March 10 2005

Hey, if I stare into space for a few seconds, I can see the edges of my eyes pulsing in time to my heartbeat.

Extract from 60's sex education textbook

Karen sent this out today (I couldn't resist adding comments in square brackets):

"This is an actual extract from a sex education textbook for girls, printed in the early 60's in the UK and written by a woman!

'When retiring to the bedroom, prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible. Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance [I should damn well hope so], your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom, as he would have to do for his train. But remember to look your best when going to bed.

Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious. If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night. When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows ["Nope, I don't remember the marriage ceremony saying anything about anal, honey. Sorry."] and in particular your commitment to obey him. If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it. In all things be led by your husband's wishes, do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy. Should your husband suggest congress [Congress? CONGRESS? Isn't that what they get up to at Parliament House?] then agree humbly all the while being mindful that a man's satisfaction is more important than a woman's. When he reaches his moment of fulfilment, a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had.' "

Teehee.

I do wonder if this is a hoax, because although it's touted (and circulated) as a scan from a UK textbook, the spelling of 'fulfilment' is American. Hmm ...

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Chinese wedding banquet and mechanical bull party

Mum's friend's daughter got married yesterday, and we were invited to the banquet at Jade Dynasty in the evening. Actually, we were invited to the marriage ceremony too (which, as everyone knows is punishment for attending the reception), but I had kendo that morning ;)

They got married at the Nedlands Chinese Methodist Church. Call me ignorant but I never realised that there was a Chinese Methodist Church in Nedlands, let alone enough Chinese people living there to support one. Well, spank me with chutney and call me surprised!

The banquet was very cute and very, hmm, what we would call "Chee-na" back in the country I grew up in. I was a bit concerned about what to wear (living out of a suitcase; not a lot of dress-up options) but my sister, Y, told me to just wear my work clothes since people would be turning up in a whole range of clothing from jeans and t-shirts to ball-gowns. And so they did. I didn't feel out of it at all. At one point this girl rocked up in a tiny black leather dress with white fur around the collar and knee-high black leather boots. Y had to smack my jaw back into place.

I agreed to meet my sis outside the restaurant and as usual, she was late. I had a brief psychic moment because it suddenly occurred to me that she had parked MILES away to save money, and I was right. I tried to send a polite telepathic call ("Can you hear me, Y? JUST PAY FOR THE &^#&ING PARKING....") but it didn't work. I think my powers lie more in reception than transmission. So I had to wait for ages while people gave me pitying looks and I was doing my "So what? Yeah, I'm really busy standing here...doing...stuff..." routine. This is why I really need an iPod.

I was in stitches for most of the banquet, though. My sister and I felt like total bananas, which I suppose we are. And she was feeling slightly uncomfortable because the first thing Mum points out is how the couple sitting next to us are BOTH doctors. Well, whoop-de-doo, I'm a sys admin and I probably earn as much and manage to have a life too. Actually they were a very nice couple, and I bored them with kendo and other nerdy talk but they were very sweet about it. I told Y to make up some cock and bull story about how she was married to a neuro-surgeon and had to stay home to take care of her six male children but she wouldn't play. Jeez, lady, I mean, it's not like we're going to meet these people ever again.

Man, Chinese wedding banquets are scary. The couple did a karaoke version of "Everything I do" and the mikes were giving out all this feedback because the groom was getting right into it and yelling into them. Then they had to go to each table to do a "Yam-seng" toast and smooch after each one. And, well, I hate to be a prude (which I am, yeah, deal with it) - they could have gone for a nice peck on the lips, then moved on, but instead there was a lot of full suction macking going on, in front of THEIR PARENTS, and all the aunties and uncles and grannies. It's nice that they have that passion, really ... ew, FULL SUCTION, people.

Chinese karaoke videos are terrible. Enough said.

I had a blast.

Then I made a sneaky getaway at 10 to go to D's party in Mundijong. (I found out later that I'd missed out on cake. Bugger.) At about 10.30 I'd only reached Armadale and there were fewer and fewer houses and I was thinking, "Hmmm, should I just turn around and go to bed now?" but eventually I got there at 11.

Things had quietened down by then. I'd missed the party peak (damn!) but C and P did another fire show with their batons and chain things, and D and A had another turn on stage and I sang a couple of songs with them. (Note to self - hot guys shouting "Angie!" while you're on stage is one of the best feelings in the world. Hee.) I was definitely not insane enough to go on the mechanical bull, especially after kendo coach's many admonitions about not taking up new activities. And it looked pretty scary - a free ticket to Whiplash Central. Several people said it was very slippery.

D had also organised two spas and a masseuse (just a guy in a t-shirt giving out Thai massage). G let me play with his toy sword (I don't know why he brings these things to parties) and I was showing him some kendo techniques with it. He had some porn-star glasses on as well. I've never met so many boys who liked to play dress-up.

State individual championships were on the next day so I had to go home at 2. I finally got to bed at 4.30 after making myself a huge meal. (The Chinese banquet was 8 courses but the portions were pretty small so I was still hungry.) And I'd started reading book 1 of The Mad Ship so I absolutely had to finish the chapter. One day I WILL get to sleep in, I really will.

No, really.

Friday, March 04, 2005

Rembrandt's coffee house in Maylands

Had dinner with S and A who are still suffering over wedding plans. Why do people inflict these things on themselves? At the moment they're thinking of catering with Polish food, and having dessert as well as wedding cake. EX-cellent...I love wedding food. Couldn't tell you what the bride was wearing to save my life, but I can recite the full menu of every wedding I've ever been to :)

One doesn't think of Polish food as poetry, but those cabbage and mushroom dumplings I had followed by sweet cheese filled pancakes beg to differ. Rembrandt's is a deceptive hole-in-the-wall kind of place, but the food is very good. Mmm, potato pancakes...